As with many who have CPTSD, obsessive behavior is part of what I struggle with. From obsessing about others, to crazy cleaning, to investigating something, there are many ways this can manifest in me. Especially when I’m stressed already.
I’m thankful that I am able to be more aware when I’m stressed and my symptoms can show up in bizarre ways. While my spouse is dealing with their big thing this weekend and I’m trying to be there but not hover, over-do, etc, I almost have to sit back and laugh. From micro scrubbing the kitchen, to trying to binge watch a show, check on every single member of my family, and not able to slow down until it is all finished.
Please, don’t take any of this as a complaint. I am so happy to be alive! I’m so thankful to be able to stop and take a look at what I’m doing, and why I’m doing it. I’m grateful to be able to share my story. As I said in my first blog, there isn’t a lot of information on the day to day living with PTSD or CPTSD. There’s not enough stories shared because it’s so hard to share it. It’s hard to sort through all the feeling and emotions that go with the abuse and trauma, let alone putting them down. I hope that in seeing this, if you can relate because you deal with this to, or know someone who does, you know you are not alone.
We need to associate with those who understand our life, as well as those we don’t. It’s just sad that there is stigmatization with admitting that you struggle with a mental issue/disease/disorder/trauma. I’m very thankful I can stand up and try to change that.