So today my adventures led me to an interview. It would take me the next step before a promotion. I handled the anxiety that can make sleep difficult and the obsessive behaviors, but struggled at a crucial step.
When you are interviewing, you are promoting yourself. Simple enough. When you suffer from childhood abuse, that can make it almost impossible. Put downs and mental abuse are par for the course. After decades of being told you don’t matter, how do you learn your true worth?
The best way I can describe this is from my thoughts. It may have been before then, but I know as young as 5 until I was in my 30s, I saw everyone else in the world as being above me. I believed that with everything I was. It has taken me a decade plus years to retrain my thinking to be able to see myself as equal with others. When your self worth is stolen, the scars are always there.
So how do I promote myself? How do I explain that I would be great for this next step? For me, I knew enough to know that I needed help. I reached out to some great friends who’ve I work or worked with. I asked about my strengths and weaknesses. I listened red faced with my anxiety to the max. Then I put myself out there. I let my work show for itself.
As hard as this was for me, again I find myself thankful. Thankful that I have a network of people I trust. Grateful to see more of myself through other’s eyes. I don’t see myself as better than anyone else, and that is a trait I wouldn’t trade for gold.