Tonight is a selection from my poetry. This was written when I first started realizing what the abuse had cost me.
If you were made to pay
For everything I had lost
Would you be able to?
Would that be enough?
How do you put a value on what you took?
How do you price innocence, choices, safety?
How much are those worth?
At times, it’s worth a life.
At times, little more than nothing.
How much are the days worth that I was tormented by you?
How much are the days worth when I have to relive it?
What kind of person would I have become if you had not done these things?
We can never know.
I can not take them back.
You can not pay them back.
I paid a price by force,
No choice of my own.
I pay the price daily.
Some days more, some days less.
Hopefully, some days not at all.
At times I cry for who I was.
At times for who I am.
Nothing stays the same.
That is my skin.
The pain will not kill you.
That is my mind.
I have lived through your dark times.
The dark times you inflicted on me.
I have lived through the innocence you took away.
I have lived through the choices you took away.
I have lived through the safety you took away.
That is my heart.
Every time the scar tissue is ripped away,
Making my heart heal by the blood,
I become stronger.
Not because of you or what you did.
I become stronger because of me.
That is my soul.