I don’t feel like I belong

I don’t feel like I belong .
So I make sure I don’t belong.
How do you break that cycle?
How do you stop it from eating a hole in your heart?
How can you find someone if you don’t fit in?
How do you stop the loneliness from eating you alive?
How do you keep motivating yourself to keep trying when it has failed for two years?
Do you just wait to die by yourself?
When you are afraid of everyone how do you trust anyone?
When the world has been big bad and ugly how do you go back out into it?
How do you not think of yourself as a nut job when you feel this way?
When you know the look of horror that passes on the faces when you try to talk about this how do you let it out?
When you have to take medicine just to function how can you not think less of yourself?
How can you take care of anything else if you can’t take care of yourself?
When your mind is the enemy how do you survive?
How do you stop dying from isolation?
When you’ve been told to be perfect all your life and you know that you aren’t how do you go on?
When the words keep playing over and over in your mind how do you stop them?
When the medicine that calms you makes you feel numb how is that good?
What does it mean when time becomes a blur and the days weeks and months pass you by?
When you know you could have been so much more because you were supposed to be so much more how do you live with yourself?
When you’ve lost all your mother figures to death or indifference why should you care?
When there is no one to hold you when the nights are bad does that mean you are unloved?

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