Do you know how it feels, to not trust your mind?
To have to question every thought or feeling to see if it’s real?
It’s a sad thing, a torturous thing to not trust your mind.
If you think about it, your mind is who you are.
Or at least a huge part of you.
How hard it is to live not trusting yourself.
There is a huge part of you that wonders who you really are if you can’t be trusted.
Then your mind likes to play back every memory you have stored of negative things that people say.
For some reason those memories won’t erase.
They play over and over again at any chance you give them.
They feel like a thousand needles sticking your heart
Because you can’t trust your mind, so should you trust theirs?
Once you have had your mind tore down, how can you build it back up?
Once your self esteem is gone what is there to hold it up?
You feel apart from this world and a part of this world.
You don’t always know where to go. Where to turn.
Where are the happy memories?
They are there.
Can you trust them?
They are your memories after all.
Did you distort them?
Try to fool yourself?
Did your mind make them up?
I have good moments.
I have bad moments.
During the good moments these thoughts run as a background program that I tune out.
During the bad moments these thoughts and thousands of horrible memories run me.
I am only human.
This is a lot to process.
I make mistakes with it.
That is what I can do.
I am better every day, even with the set backs.
I learn from it all.